Making friends as a kid was easy; you just shared a playground. As an adult, it's awkward and requires strategy. The 'Proximity Effect' suggests you need to see people repeatedly to bond. You can't just wait for friends to find you.

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How to make friends in a new city

How to make friends in a new city

TL;DR: Show up consistently, find a 'third place', and be the one to initiate plans.

Making friends as a kid was easy; you just shared a playground. As an adult, it's awkward and requires strategy. The 'Proximity Effect' suggests you need to see people repeatedly to bond. You can't just wait for friends to find you.

Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Find a 'Third Place': Home is first, Work is second. You need a Third Place. A climbing gym, a pottery class, a run club, a board game cafe. Go there at the same time every week.
  2. The 'Consistency' Rule: Showing up once isn't enough. You become a 'regular' by showing up 4-5 times. Faces become familiar, and conversation becomes easier.
  3. Initiate the 'Second Location': This is the hardest part. Ask someone: 'Hey, a few of us are grabbing tacos after this, want to come?' Moving from the activity to a neutral space creates friendship.
  4. Follow Up: Get the number. Send a text: 'Good hanging out!'. Making friends is like dating—you have to show interest.

FAQ

I'm introverted, what do I do?

Choose activity-based groups (book club, hiking). The activity fills the silence.

Apps vs Real Life?

Apps (Bumble BFF, Meetup) work, but meeting through shared interests often creates stronger bonds.

Everyone seems busy?

People are busy, but lonely. They usually appreciate the invite even if they say no.

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